Audited
by Little Miss Cant Be Wrong
Summary: Carol's best friend sets her up on what turns out to be the worst blind date ever. But the two men she meets on her way to the bathroom might just change that. Rated M, because 13 just seems so young...and I might add another chapter at some point. Humor and friendship...possibly romance. Image from Canva.


This is my first Carol/Daryl fic, it's a bit Merle heavy...but I just find it easier writing him for some unknown reason. Let me know if you would be interested in second chapter. This story line has been taken from my "someday to be written" folder, and I've given myself a two day challenge to write something and post it.

Over an hour into her blind date with Phillip Blake, he had yet to ask her one question about herself. Her past, her dreams of the future...her wants and desires. Well, past what she wanted to order off the menu.

Oh, but he had no difficulty talking about himself...his work...his money...his cars...his plane..his investments and his desire to run for public office.

_Worst date ever._

"And I think once I've served a few terms as the Mayor, I can start to think about running for Governor…." Carol found that she only had to make an occasional noise to indicate she was listening, a nod here and there and the man could go on indefinitely.

She tried to decide how she would describe him to her girl friends later.

_Full of hot air? Or full of shit._

What was wrong with him, even her ex-husband Ed could pretend to be charming and interested in her for short periods of time.

She glanced down inconspicuously at her watch. An hour and ten minutes, it felt like A sixteen hour workday...would this Hell never end? She spent the next ten minutes daydreaming about strangling Andrea, who was the one responsible for this nightmare she was stuck in.

_Clearly Andrea didn't know her as well as she had thought she did._

Did her best friend really think that Phillip Blake was the kind of man that she could _EVER _be interested in? What had she ever done to make her think that she would enjoy spending time with someone that was only interested in himself and his money?

Yes, she had been divorced for three years and had only been on a handful of dates, something that Andrea always seemed way to interested in changing. However, she certainly hadn't wanted to make the same mistake she had made with Ed. And there was Sophia to think about, she had been through enough. So Carol had to be extra choosy with the men she chose to allow into her life.

But when Andrea had been so insistent that she worked with the _perfect _man for her, Carol ignored the carefully thought out rules she had established regarding dating and allowed herself to be set up on this blind date. What could it hurt? She had thought.

_Maybe there was a reason that Andrea had never been married._

"Would you care for dessert? Maybe a refil on your drink?" The waitress asked, a wide smile on her red lips as she started to clear the dishes.

"Why yes, we would love to see the dessert menu." Phillip said before she had the chance to decline.

"Just order some coffee for me...if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to the ladies room." Carol let Phillip know as she stood up and walked quickly away from the table without waiting for him to reply.

The restaurant had gotten busy in the last hour, she noted. It seemed to be ladies night at the small bar in the back and therefore there was quite the line to get into the restroom. It was okay, she really didn't need to go anyway, she just couldn't wait to give Andria a piece of her mind. So she pulled out her phone and pushed the speed dial for Andreas cell phone.

"Pick up the phone...I know you're home. Andrea! What did I ever do to you to deserve this? God he is so...he's so...not my type! Let me tell you what I've learned about him so far."

Carol tried to hide behind a potted ficus.

"He's divorced, his ex wife, who he has kept tied up in the legal system over alimony and child support for over five years, lives in the next town over. She got their old home in the divorce, and their daughter. So he went out and purchased the bigger, better more expensive house she had really wanted them to get just to get under her skin. Of course, he didnt say that, but it was implied. He also said that he doesn't want her to just be lazy and live off his hard earned money...as for his daughter Penny, if only she chose to come live with him she could be living the high life..."

Phillip glanced her way and she ducked down, and slid over to hide behind two large men who were standing between the bar and the bathrooms.

"He has a house that he paid $800,000 for and it he expects to get over a million for it when…."

"Fuck." She said and redialed Andreas number.

"...when he sells it. And then he has plans to move into a "fly in community!" Don't know what that is, let me tell you. It's a community that has garages big enough so he can park his plane in. Because he NEEDS a room for his Cessna. Yes, owns his own plane. Do you know why? So he can fly out to the vineyards to pick up his favorite wine whenever he wants. Yes, he said that, he can't have it shipped to him like a normal person? Let's see. He has a Mercedes-Benz CLA250 but he has big plans to get a Bugatti in the next few years! Do you know what a Bugatti costs?! Three million dollars. Well once again let me tell you three fucking million dollars! Yes you heard me right three million dollars...what kind of idiot pays that much for a car?

Fuck, fuck fuck." She muttered as the message cut off, she tried to redial the phone, as stood on her toes to peek over the two men's shoulders.

"I'll tell you what kind of idiot, the kind of idiot you seem to think your best friend would be interested in dating! He had the nerve to tell me how pleased he is that he is going to pay more for that car than he'll ever have to pay for his alimony and child support...can you believe that shit? Hides all his money in the Cayman Islands. I know you think I should be with someone that can take care of me...but I can take care of myself."

She peeked around the broad shoulders that were blocking Phillip Blake from seeing her. There he was, still sitting at the table having a conversation with the waitress. Ordering dessert? Maybe he was making a date with her...if only she was so lucky.

"Shit." She dialed Andrea's phone number again.

"And to top it off he keeps referring to himself in third person, like a fucking psysco! I have to go back to the table, if you know what's good for you, you will call me in the next 10 minutes with an emergency so that I _need _to leave to deal with it." She was just hung up when her phone rang.

"Andrea?"

"Thank God...did you listen to my messages?"

"No?"

"No, I'm fine."

"God, I'm going to kill you!"

"You need to get me out of here, call me in 10 minutes…"

"So I can pretend there is some sort of emergency…"

"I will not!"

"Because…he is NOT my type."

"Ewwww...I bet having sex with him is just like getting audited!"

She looked up when one of the men she was hiding behind snorted a laugh. _He has the most amazing blue eyes._

"What?"

"How do you know?"

"Seriously? You've sent me on a date with a man you've already slept with?"

"Why would you…"

"Why would I want him, if he's not good enough for you to keep?"

"I have so had sex since my divorce!"

"So what...I own a vibrator…"

"It would be better, because it doesn't spend hours talking about it self!"

"Well unlike you. I happen to want to like a man for more than his money and is dick…"

The two men both started snickering, one bumped the other ones arm. "Ya' should ask this one out Little Brother."

"Oh stop you two!" Carol told the men turning her back on them.

"Hey! Nothing wrong with my dick." The younger one grunted.

"Just some guys at the bar where I'm hiding from my date…"

"Not your type. Can we please get back to me?"

"Just because I don't want to have sex with him doesn't mean there is something wrong with me!"

"Because. Do you know what I've told him about myself?"

"Nothing. Zero. And do you know why? Because in the hour and a half that we have been her he hasn't stopped talking about himself long enough to ask one question about me."

"I definitely will NOT be thanking you for this later."

"If you don't, I swear I'll never forgive you."

"And, I'll kick your ass next time I see you!"

"Yes I can."

"I hate yo...Andrea? Andrea"

"Carol hung up the phone, took a deep breath and looked up at men standing in front of her."

"You want to help a girl out?" She asked

"Hell yeah." The older of the two men said. "You want us to kick his ass?"

"No, no. Nothing that drastic.

"Well where's the fun in that?" He asked, sounding serious to her ears. "If we don't get to kick his ass what's in it for us?" He wanted to know.

"I'll buy you a drink?"

"And you give my baby brother ya' phone number so's he can ask ya' out on a date."

She looked at the younger man. "What, Is he shy or something? Can't he ask me out if hes interested? She asked, turning back to the older brother.

"Yep...afraid of women and sex."

"Merle!" The younger one with the incredible eyes said, punching his brother in the arm. "Don't ask a woman out when she's on a date with another man. Don't ya' not nothing'?" He all but growled.

"Why not...she said it was a suck-ass date...you prolly look good next ta that limp dick." He said pointing with his thumb behind him.

"if it makes ya feel any better." The mans told Carol. "Little Brother, he ain't got no money or a fancy car to brag about. And he don't talk all that much, so you'd have plenty of room to talk ya'self."

"Damn, Merle. Ya' ain't exactly talking me up." Merle's baby brother told him.

Carol was starting to look bemused. "I tell ya' what, if Daryl, drops the ball, I'll take ya' out myself to make it up to you." A wide self-satisfied smirk spread across his worn face. "I can grantee you that ol' Merle here is far superior to ya vibrator."

"Oh, dear." Carol could feel her cheeks getting warm. "I think you might be just a little much for me...maybe Daryl would be a better choice for me." She told him, peeking shyly up at the younger brother.

"Well, no accounting for bad taste." Merle told her. "But thats ya' choice...one I'm sure ya' gunna end up regretting."

"What are you, a used car salesman?" She asked him.

"Well, now that's just rude. Ya' want us to help ya' out or not?" Merle said passing her his phone. Put ya' number in here...wanna make sure ya' don't try to give me a bum one."

Carol shook her head. "No." She reached her hand out to Daryl. I'll put it in his phone. You seem like the type to send dick pics to unsuspecting women."

"Dick pics? Well, now this is something I'ma need to hear more about." Merle said looking way too interested.

Fine. Here...she handed Daryl his phone back. Call me in a few minutes...once I leave, I'll go meet you at Horvath's...do you know it?" She asked.

"Of course we know it...town aint that big." Daryl answered, looking at his phone.

"And Merle...how would you like to go on a blind date? I think I have a friend that is _perfect _for you." She told him with a big smile on her face.


End file.
